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In her inimitable snark-ish shrill, Sarah Palin and her ilk have suggested America’s energy thirst can be quenched by drilling in the very places they can see from their homes (at least seen by those patriots who are lucky enough to have secured a trailer lot with a costal view).

Doubble-Wide Ocean View

Maybe the right’s right. Sarah certainly waves her energy and environmental cred like the ol’ stars and stripes on flag day. She’s going to have a reality show for god’s sake…so she must be an expert.

But, as the Gulf Of Mexico flames toward the coast line,

I’m wondering if President Obama has any second thoughts about appeasing the right by throwing them a drill-bit in the hopes that some of them, like Senator Graham, might cross party lines and sign-on to a climate change bill. Just as it seemed he was on board, Senator Graham did an about face. Obstruction rules the day.

Now that he’s back tug-boating the party line…maybe some of that Tea Bagger heat will be taken off  him. Nothing like the threat of a good outing to teach a “bachelor” to think twice before standing up for something that’s right…I mean left.

So How’s that Drill Baby Drill thing working out?

Shrill Lady Shrill

Well, since it appears the rich white folks in places like Hyannis prefer an unobstructed view to alternative off-shore energy projects (can’t really blame them), America seems to be in a bit of slippery spot.

So where’s a President, who’s determined to reach out to the other side, able to turn? This time, I think Obama’s now tiresome inclination to appease the short-sighted may have run a-fowl. At least for these little guys…that fire in the Gulf may foreshadow more dark tides ahead.

Bye Bye Black Bird

Oh wait, that’s me who hates Tim Tebow, God hates Fags.

GQ, God's Quarterback

I don’t hate Tim Tebow because he’s a pontificating Christian evangelist who likes to preach to us via his guy-liner or because he has a thing for uncircumcised asian boys.  I’m more tolerant than that. My hatred for him is for a better, more profound reason. My friend Lisa and I attended the BCS national college football championship game in Phoenix in 2007 when then-freshman Tebow was responsible for 14 of the 41 points scored by Florida. In the humiliating shellacking that day, my previously undefeated Ohio State Buckeyes were  denied their preordained destiny as national champions. The final score in Tebow’s coming out party: 41-14. That’s why I hate him.

And now the crybaby, has-been quarterback  is at the center of a Super Bowl commercial controversy. In what I suspect will be the only way he ever makes it to the Super Bowl, he and his mom Pam will star in an advocacy ad for Focus On The Family, a group founded by crazy James Dobson. Even Rosta’s Cafe favorite, Gloria Allred, is getting in on the action.

Prior to this firestorm, Focus On The Family (just focused on families they approve of that is) was probably best known for Dobson’s position that Sponge Bob is Gay. In fact, he’s a Gay activist. He has, after all, been seen holding hands with Patrick the Starfish.

Bob and Pactrick clearly on Gay-cation. Key West I presume.

The Super Bowl, even in the age of DVRs, is still the place where the audience isn’t just tuned in to what’s happening between the goal lines… they stay tuned in to the commercials. With an estimated 99.2% audience retention during commercial breaks this time is a marketer’s gold. These 30 second spots have long been both contested and coveted.

But not since the 2004 MTV Tit-uation has CBS found itself in such a controversial position with advertisers. This is the first year (in which CBS will air the Super Bowl) that they have accepted advocacy advertising. It was also in 2004 that CBS rejected this ad for the United Church of Christ as too controversial because the church, which welcomes everyone, featured Gay couples. Last year NBC rejected a Pro-Life ad featuring an Obama doppelganger fetus and a PETA ad featuring hot chicks humping veggies.

Being rejected can be a good thing, a real publicity bonanza. Especially when you probably don’t really have the extra $2 or $3 million to spend anyway. This ad for a dating site for cheating couples got lots of buzz for being rejected in 2004. This year’s ManCrunch ad for a Gay dating site was rejected because it might offend some straight folks. I’m guessing ManCrunch probaby had three lonely guys signed up before this year’s gift of being rejected by CBS put them in the mix. It looks like it cost about five hundred bucks to make. Nice return on that investment. I’m glad the Super Bowl ad time is now sold out. God forbid CBS take an ad that might offend people who hate Arabs that date or people with herpes.

Now that the floodgates of advertising hell have been opened by both CBS and the Supreme Court, I have some suggestions for some advocacy ads. How about this spot for National Vangauard? They seem cool. And I think this astounding music video could be cut into a really eye-popping, toe-tapping 30 second advocacy spot (for what I’m not sure) as well.

So this year I won’t TiVo past Tebow. And I’ll be anxious to see if facebook voters bring back the Clydesdales. Even if these iconic giant horses don’t score well with Budweiser’s target audience who generally prefer tits, ass and sophomoric frat-boy humor (I’m a fan too, at least of the last two). Like me, the Clydesdales have rarely missed a Super Bowl. They can inspire or make us smile and in 2002 they even brought a tear to my eye with this beautiful ad. They always remind me of a time when good old American football was far less complicated for brands and fans. That now seems like a time long ago.

That's my dad on the right, with his sister Mary, the Budweiser distributor, and the world famous Clydesdales across the street from Rosta's Cafe.

As word of  Jayson Williams plea deal in the accidental shooting death of his chauffeur hits the news, the law is taking aim at another NBA star, Washington Wizard, Gilbert Arenas.

Inked Arenas

Unlike Williams, who’s trouble happened at home (probably after a few shots of courage and  the reckless flash of  firearm), Arenas brought his hardware to the job at DC’s Verizon Center. Gilbert, like many professional athletes, has to be nervous about his own security…I mean at only 6′4″ and 215lbs, he’s gotta be a real target for would-be muggers. Makes sense to me. And besides, I think all pro athletes have gone through the Plaxico Burress firearm training seminar.

So what’s the problem with a gun at work? Isn’t a fully armed nation the goal of the NRA? The easing of gun laws in places like Georgia, where having a gun at a bar or on the bus is totally cool, means that, thankfully, we can finally rest easy in places like the church pew because even our clergy can now be packin’ in the pulpit.

This is how you get some respect!

I noticed that Disney On Ice was also scheduled for the Verizon Center later this month.

Shouldn’t all the talent bring some heat to the arena? It’d be more fun. Who cares if Snow White takes a spill while attempting a double Salchow? Put a cap in her ass and watch her drop like this guy drops Mickey. Now that’s entertainment.

I’m also happy to see that kids are standing up for their right to bear arms at schools from Las Vegas, NV to Sacramento and Alhambra, CA, to Baltimore, MD and Milwaukee, WI. So let’s arm the teachers too. Then, of course,  the classroom will be a much safer environment. Just show the little gun slingers this NRA safety flick for kids…or bring this guy in for a safety demo. After all, we don’t just want the bad guys to be armed.

Why should he be the only guy with a gun?

Yeah, I like the idea of guns everywhere. I mean when I take my next trip (oh, and check out this nifty concealed weapon trip planner) to see my mother and her friends at the assisted living facility, I’ll make sure I thank her for helping me understand at an early age that its my RIGHT to bear arms. God forbid the government goes rogue or something…I’m gonna be prepared to fight back…even if they hit me with one of these, At least I’ll have a fighting chance to stay free damn it because I’ll have a pistol, just like our founding fathers planned it.

So thanks Gilbert…You’re an American Role Model.

Me (l) with my brother Tony (r). A well regulated Militia.

As the brave and resilient people of Haiti face yet another heartbreaking moment in their troubled history, The Right Reverend Douche Bag, Pat Robertson, blames the catastrophe on the impoverished country’s PACT WITH THE DEVIL, and he suggests that maybe now they’ll learn a lesson! Robertson says it with a straight face as he asks his audience to send him money for an earthquake relief effort.

Douche Bag

Today’s inane on-air segment from Robertson’s 700 Club is reminiscent of the one where he and the now-dead-piece-of-shit Jerry Fallwell blamed the attacks of September 11 on Gays, Lesbians and anyone else they hated. Good Christians eh? Where, exactly did these losers get their “Reverend” credentials anyway?

While this weekend brought a Nor’easter of record proportions to New England, it seems that, sadly, the biggest casualty of  some other form of white stuff may have dropped like a snow angel in Hollywood.

Brittany Murphy

Back on the East Coast, the snow storm provided a perfect “hook”  to report on the Health Care “snow job” coming down simultaneously in Washington for journalists from the New York Times and Fox News. It was low-hanging, frost-bitten fruit.

I too was tempted to do a “2009 snow-job” round up…

Any 2009 snow job recap of liars and crooks might mention the hypocritical Promise Keepers of C-street: Senator Ensign and Governor Sanford. Who are, frankly, no less hypocritical than the reptilian John Edwards. But to be honest, I couldn’t care less about who any of them are banging.

Crazy Orly

The biggest snow jobs of 2009 would probably also include those wacky snow-blower-hards: The Birthers. Lead by the certifiable Birther Queen, Orly Taitz, from (get the audacity of dope here) the former Soviet Union.

These wack jobs spend countless hours scouring the internet for some “proof” that Obama can be impeached because he’s really a Muslim from Kenya. And while their brand of crazy is certainly disconcerting…

I’m more concerned about the biggest, smartest and best liar of 2009, Liz Cheney. This evil spawn spent her time on TV giving  tacit support to fringe groups like the birthers and trying to rewrite history as it related to the sins of her father. And all the while she defends the indefensible with a Gaga-like poker face.

So be warned: this storm is just getting started and is sure to take a big dump on all of us soon. Lady Cheney, like her father before her, seems determined to Keep America Scared through her website. Which looks conspicuously like a campaign site to me.

Lady Gaga Cheney

Love the go-cup (s). Classy SNL appearance!

Snooki

Always the victim, Sarah Palin had to cut-and-run her vacation short because of an ill-advisor-ed fashion slip. I mean are you really so stupid, so tacky or so cheap that you took a magic marker to an old hat and wore it out in public? I guess she kept ALL the clothes from the campaign, even the promotional swag. Well you can be certain that this beauty queen wouldn’t be caught dead wearing old campaign gear….You bettah WORK GIRL!

Its been a big coupla weeks for us Italians. It seems Italians from Perugia to Milan, and now even the Jersey Shore, are starting to overshadow the big upcoming Christmas show at the Vatican. And that cannot be met with favor from the Holy See.

First Amanda Knox, aka Foxy Roxy, is convicted of murdering an innocent British roommate who’s only crime, it was alleged by the British press, was to have refused participation in a wild sex romp. And it was interesting to see how different the take was on this story depending on where the report was coming from. In England it wasn’t about Amanda…it was about Meredith’s murder and murderers. But here in the US, Senators and newspapers were convinced that it was America itself that was on trial. That the Italians despised the vulgar American lifestyle epitomized by drunk college students ruining their idyllic villages. Journalists in Italy and England reacted with disdain to the US characterizations of the Italian Justice System. While the American press certainly has a fascination with a blue-eyed, fair-skinned beauty in trouble overseas (Natalee Holloway… memba her?) the truth in this messy matter will not be resolved in the press. Appeals to come, it ain’t ova yet. So in the meantime I suggest that Roxy settle into her cell and enjoy some of those delicious Baci chocolates made right there in her new hometown. And if the Italians in Perugia hate Americans so much, why do you think they use an American-style English language jingle for their most famous export?

This week also brought yet another bloody nose to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. Earlier this year after sex and corruption scandals his wife of 15 years finally filed for divorce (note to Elin Woods…this could take years). But this time the attack drew real blood. What I loved about this particular incident is that it underscored just how much Italians everywhere love a statue. The alleged assailant used a replica of the Milan Cathedral as the weapon of choice. I hope the irony was not lost on Silvio.

The "weapon" was probably a statue a little larger than these replicas of the Milan Cathedral I found for sale on E-Bay. Ouch...these jagged little sukas would hurt.

But Silvio’s antics pale in comparison to da “classy” lifestyles of the real Italian Stallions back here on our own shores…the Jersey Shore to be specific. This show is a big, if controversial, hit for MTV. And while at least one sponsor Domino’s (no stranger to controversy themselves) has pulled out, this looks to be a ratings and revenue bonanza for the network.

So all the fuss is about the image of Italian Americans portrayed by MTV? About the negative stereotype evoked by the word Guido? Gimme A Friggin’ Break! This isn’t an Italian problem. Its a New Jersey problem. Its what happens to Italians when they GET to New Jersey. Don’t believe me? Look no farther than here and here and here. Now granted, the same transformation happened to Italians that settled in say, Dyker Heights Brooklyn. But it is by far NOT universal. I mean I didn’t even know what a Guido was growing up in and Italian family in Ohio. Never heard the word.

So I’m not sure why the Italians have stepped up to take the heat…its New Jersey that needs to own it. Well I’m gonna sign off now…got some Christmas shopping and decorating to do. Here’s a great site if you need ornaments. And there’re some amazing nativity scene ideas here in case you haven’t set yours up as of yet.

Ciao.

Bathtub Grotto

It got a little cold in New York yesterday. All this talk about climate change gives me a shudder. And, I have to admit, part of me likes the idea of warmer winters. I mean, I don’t really remember what the temperature was last week…but all I know is I was not wearing my old down coat…and I liked it. I’m just sayin’.

Somethin's Meltin'

So everyone’s off to Copenhagen for the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change (and if you’re there, heres some helpful info that you’re not gonna find in the conference guide, thank me later).

It all seems to be taking place under a dark (probably CO2) cloud of scandal: Climategate!

Fox is all over this scandal. They are reporting on the hacked emails from The University of East Anglia (huh?) at every turn and accusing the “mainstream media”, which I guess Fox is not part of, of both distorting and ignoring the scandal. The emails, they say, prove that climate change is a hoax. The right wing blogesphere is all a twitter with the possibility that the Climate change convention will be a bust because of it. And the scandal hasn’t escaped notice in Copenhagen either. If this conversation about who is censoring what sounds familiar, just look back at how the Bush Administration was accused of pretty much the same thing by countless news organizations in the last term.

Now I’m one who believes more in money, power and the agendas they breed than coincidences. So it seemed a little too Convenient of a Truth that this scandal breaks out on the eve of the most important climate meeting ever without good measures of both. So I turned to Rush for some guidance…and I think I got it.

Rush has this to say about AL Gore and Climategate. Toward the bottom of the page, if you want to learn more Rush suggests some reading and sends folks to Climate Depot for a “news” update.Climate Depot (not to be confused with former MTV’er Sarah Beatty’s  very cool new store Green Depot) from the looks of this site, seems like something put together by an average Joe The Blogger who just cares ’bout Amurhica. But if you look closely, its a project of  CFACT. And if you check CFACT out just a little, you see that they are heavily  funded by Exxon. Now there’s a concerned party…with money and power…and  a lot to lose. Just like our friends from Saudi Arabia who also seem very concerned about Climategate.

So I don’t know…bout the sience or the politics. All I know is this. While I like the warmer weather…I also miss the snow.

That's me in Zanesville, I'm probably about ten and that's a few feet of snow.

So what’s the big deal? If the vast majority of scientists on this earth say shit is melting and, as MSNBC’s Jeff Corwin reports in his amazing Future Earth series, one out of every five species on the planet may become extinct in the next 20 years…what’s the big deal in responding? Worst thing that happens is the air gets cleaner, a few frogs see the next decade and jobs are created in a whole new Green Industry.

But if we choose to ignore it because the people with the most to loose tell us to, then maybe Mr Squiggles and other mechanical toys like him will just have to be as close as we’ll ever get to a real living Cheetah. But be careful what you wish for, these little China dolls aren’t without their own toxic downside.

The new wildlife

According to this story, it looks like Sarah prefers a spud to a rice bowl. I am, however, more than willing to believe that her dad is just Dim Some.

Dumb in the dorm.